Allah Is NOT God!
Sermon by Pastor Deacon Fred

Most members of this congregation have never seen a Mooslim in person. You’ve seen them on the news, blowing up buildings, and in movies, stealing babies and killing Christians. I’ve seen a few of these so-called “people,” up close when I’ve visited the Holy Land. You don’t want to get too close, because they don’t use deodorant and they sweat garlic. It’s not pleasant. They smell as bad as Injuns. And they’re just plain mean to everyone.

Now, I don’t want to talk about the Mooslim people today. If I were to start, we’d miss this afternoon’s football game because I’d be talking for hours. What I do want to talk about today is what the Mooslim people believe. Their jaded history, their false idol “Allah” and his son, Moohummad, and their Hell-wrought quest for vengeance against the true God who rightfully cut them out of their eternal inheritance.

Everyone knows the story of Abram. If you don’t, then read Genesis chapters 12-22. God promised Abram his own country. The only problem was that Abram didn’t have a son. He might not have cared about it much, but his wife, Sa’rai, knew that by God’s law, her husband’s earthly possessions would go to the head servant if there weren’t no kids around. She got worried and forgot God’s promise to her husband, and in a fit of desperation, she offered up her Egyptian servant, Hagar to, Abram. Hagar got jealous of Sa’rai after having sexual relations with Abram, as women are wont to do. Sa’rai saw this, and with Abram’s blessing, she kicked the harlot out of the house.

Turns out Hagar had a son. It is this son, and all of his descendants that are causing most of the problems in the world today. His name was Ishmael, and he was the first towel-head, or to use a politically correct term, A-rab. God told Hagar in Genesis 16:10-12, “And he will be a wild man; his hand will be against every man, and every man’s hand against him.” Ishmael was to father powerful nations, but none of his descendants would be allowed to go to Heaven after they died. They were born bad.

The real treat came when Abram was 90-years old and he circumcised himself with a sharp stone. That made his ##### pure enough to get through to Sa’rai and produce a real son named Isaac. God told him he was to cut at the penises of every descendant born through Sa’rai if he wanted his family to be blessed on Earth and go to Heaven after they died. It would still have been mandatory for all of us today to cut off our penises if Paul didn’t come along and tell us it was just an option. I suggest you do so, if you haven’t already. It adds a nice Old Testament touch, and your ##### will look just like Jesus’ #####.

Let’s jump forward a few thousand years. The descendants of Ishmael are running around in the desert worshipping all kinds of gods. Satan saw that a large portion of them were worshipping the moon-god. Some were even worshipping the daughters of the moon-god, Al-lat, Al-uzza, and Manat. They were called “The Daughters of Allah.”

The moon-god was called “Allah.” Old Lucifer got it into his big red head that he could unite all of these idol-worshipping towel-heads under Allah. He did this by appearing to a person that was already very upset that God wasn’t going to let him go to heaven just because he was a descendent of Ishmael. That feller’s name was Moohammad. Demons helped him write a book called, “the Ko-ran,” which is basically an instruction manual on how to kill anyone who doesn’t worship the moon.

Now we have entire countries of God-hating moon-worshippers shooting everyone out of jealousy, just because God isn’t going to let them go to Heaven. Why, it’s even got so twisted up that nowadays, these Mooslims (moon worshippers) think that they are the ones going to Heaven and everyone else is going to Hell. It’s a shame that none of them can read English. If they did, they could open up the Bible and find out that God had it out for them from day one. The only way for them to avoid Hell is to accept Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior. And it doesn’t look like that’s going to happen anytime soon, because the minute you start running your mouth about Jesus being the Son of God, they shoot you dead.

www.landoverbaptist.org

[QUOTE=Pastor Deacon Fred]Allah Is NOT God!
Sermon by Pastor Deacon Fred

Most members of this congregation have never seen a Mooslim in person. You’ve seen them on the news, blowing up buildings, and in movies, stealing babies and killing Christians. I’ve seen a few of these so-called “people,” up close when I’ve visited the Holy Land. You don’t want to get too close, because they don’t use deodorant and they sweat garlic. It’s not pleasant. They smell as bad as Injuns. And they’re just plain mean to everyone.

Now, I don’t want to talk about the Mooslim people today. If I were to start, we’d miss this afternoon’s football game because I’d be talking for hours. What I do want to talk about today is what the Mooslim people believe. Their jaded history, their false idol “Allah” and his son, Moohummad, and their Hell-wrought quest for vengeance against the true God who rightfully cut them out of their eternal inheritance.

Everyone knows the story of Abram. If you don’t, then read Genesis chapters 12-22. God promised Abram his own country. The only problem was that Abram didn’t have a son. He might not have cared about it much, but his wife, Sa’rai, knew that by God’s law, her husband’s earthly possessions would go to the head servant if there weren’t no kids around. She got worried and forgot God’s promise to her husband, and in a fit of desperation, she offered up her Egyptian servant, Hagar to, Abram. Hagar got jealous of Sa’rai after having sexual relations with Abram, as women are wont to do. Sa’rai saw this, and with Abram’s blessing, she kicked the harlot out of the house.

Turns out Hagar had a son. It is this son, and all of his descendants that are causing most of the problems in the world today. His name was Ishmael, and he was the first towel-head, or to use a politically correct term, A-rab. God told Hagar in Genesis 16:10-12, “And he will be a wild man; his hand will be against every man, and every man’s hand against him.” Ishmael was to father powerful nations, but none of his descendants would be allowed to go to Heaven after they died. They were born bad.

The real treat came when Abram was 90-years old and he circumcised himself with a sharp stone. That made his ##### pure enough to get through to Sa’rai and produce a real son named Isaac. God told him he was to cut at the penises of every descendant born through Sa’rai if he wanted his family to be blessed on Earth and go to Heaven after they died. It would still have been mandatory for all of us today to cut off our penises if Paul didn’t come along and tell us it was just an option. I suggest you do so, if you haven’t already. It adds a nice Old Testament touch, and your ##### will look just like Jesus’ #####.

Let’s jump forward a few thousand years. The descendants of Ishmael are running around in the desert worshipping all kinds of gods. Satan saw that a large portion of them were worshipping the moon-god. Some were even worshipping the daughters of the moon-god, Al-lat, Al-uzza, and Manat. They were called “The Daughters of Allah.”

The moon-god was called “Allah.” Old Lucifer got it into his big red head that he could unite all of these idol-worshipping towel-heads under Allah. He did this by appearing to a person that was already very upset that God wasn’t going to let him go to heaven just because he was a descendent of Ishmael. That feller’s name was Moohammad. Demons helped him write a book called, “the Ko-ran,” which is basically an instruction manual on how to kill anyone who doesn’t worship the moon.

Now we have entire countries of God-hating moon-worshippers shooting everyone out of jealousy, just because God isn’t going to let them go to Heaven. Why, it’s even got so twisted up that nowadays, these Mooslims (moon worshippers) think that they are the ones going to Heaven and everyone else is going to Hell. It’s a shame that none of them can read English. If they did, they could open up the Bible and find out that God had it out for them from day one. The only way for them to avoid Hell is to accept Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior. And it doesn’t look like that’s going to happen anytime soon, because the minute you start running your mouth about Jesus being the Son of God, they shoot you dead.

www.landoverbaptist.org

I don’t know what this is all about. Maybe you are being sarcastic. I just don’t know. I’ve heard the history but it didn’t really sink in to stay as it should have. I do have some fairly good sense though that I can use to size up situations. We are in a bad one now, getting worse by the day and it isn’t caused by Baptists, Catholics, etc. It is caused by Arabs invading America with ideas of making this country as they would like it to be. Not for us. For them.

[QUOTE=Unregisteredme]I don’t know what this is all about. Maybe you are being sarcastic. I just don’t know. I’ve heard the history but it didn’t really sink in to stay as it should have. I do have some fairly good sense though that I can use to size up situations. We are in a bad one now, getting worse by the day and it isn’t caused by Baptists, Catholics, etc. It is caused by Arabs invading America with ideas of making this country as they would like it to be. Not for us. For them.

Al-qaida and their like are criminals trying to extort money and power. Mafia and their like are criminals of Italian heritage trying to extort money and power. Nazis were Germans killing for world domination. KKK were racist white people killing for domination. That does not mean that all Arabs or Muslims, or all Italalians, or all Germans, or all white people, can be painted with the same brush. When you do that, YOU ARE GIVING THE EXTORTIONISTS JUST WHAT THEY WANT....YOUR HATRED BREEDS MORE HATRED IN BOTH SIDES. The extortionists win ... more recruits on their side, less freedom on our side. By foaming at the mouth with mindless hate for all Muslims, YOU’RE DOING AL-QAIDA’S WILL AS IF YOU WERE ON THEIR PAYROLL.
You weaken our free society. You dishonor America.

[QUOTE=Unregisteredme]I don’t know what this is all about. Maybe you are being sarcastic. I just don’t know. I’ve heard the history but it didn’t really sink in to stay as it should have. I do have some fairly good sense though that I can use to size up situations. We are in a bad one now, getting worse by the day and it isn’t caused by Baptists, Catholics, etc. It is caused by Arabs invading America with ideas of making this country as they would like it to be. Not for us. For them.

This a parody people. Check out the link.

[QUOTE=Unregistered]This a parody people. Check out the link.

I don’t care enough to check out the link. Like I said, I have enough sense to know we are in danger and I’m afraid we are in so deep there may not be a turning back point. Better go down to Hancocks and buy up a bunch of fabric to make yourself some burkas.

I concur - the landoverbaptist site is one of the funnier things on the net; if you can’t see the humor in its content, you probably need something checked out.

[QUOTE=BoogDoc7]I concur - the landoverbaptist site is one of the funnier things on the net; if you can’t see the humor in its content, you probably need something checked out.

I haven’t looked at it and don’t plan to. I have a feeling I may need checking out. There are some things I fail to find humorous and that’s likely one of them. Sounds like it may be making fun of Baptists, like they are all ignorant hicks. I know what Allah means.

[QUOTE=Unregisteredme]I haven’t looked at it and don’t plan to. I have a feeling I may need checking out. There are some things I fail to find humorous and that’s likely one of them. Sounds like it may be making fun of Baptists, like they are all ignorant hicks. I know what Allah means.

They spoof the baptist; the back woods, racist, anti “homersexuals”, democrat types.

[QUOTE=Unregistered]They spoof the baptist; the back woods, racist, anti “homersexuals”, democrat types.

I don’t find that humorous. Most of those doing the spoofing are bad off in some departments anyway. Why care what they think and say? I don’t.

[QUOTE=Unregisteredme]I don’t find that humorous. Most of those doing the spoofing are bad off in some departments anyway. Why care what they think and say? I don’t.

Get a life - it’s a spoof, a parody on the racial stereotypes that we see in times like this. If you take this seriously, you need to watch more Satuday Night Live.

[QUOTE=Unregisteredme]I don’t find that humorous. Most of those doing the spoofing are bad off in some departments anyway. Why care what they think and say? I don’t.

Wow, the lobotomy scar hardly shows on you where they removed your sense of humor. Get a grip, man, it’s called satire! A Baptist deacon friend of mine sent me the link.

[QUOTE=Mike the Tiger]Wow, the lobotomy scar hardly shows on you where they removed your sense of humor. Get a grip, man, it’s called satire! A Baptist deacon friend of mine sent me the link.

That is just the coolest thing. Enjoy it. Go back.
Read it again and laugh. You know I don’t have to laugh at the same things. Satire or not, I don’t think it’s funny. For one thing I don’t like that someone lumps Baptist, backwoods, anti-gay and whatever else they said, together.